Sinking My World

While listening to an old song by the band Delirious? this morning, I was struck by a thought. The song is called "Sanctify" on the King of Fools album, and some of the words go like...

And all I want

is all You have.

Come to me

Rescue me

Follow me

with Your Love. 

I was in my "plan-my-life" world when this song came on. You know, we all have that "My World" - that selfish place in our minds where we tick off things that we've done, and make long lists of the things we want, the changes we wish for, and where we recount the indignant experiences that we've had to wrongfully suffer at the hands of this unfair world...

So I was in this world of mine, and without warning, a most unwelcome thought slapped me across the face. What does it matter, this fickle thing so-called "happiness"? 

What do you mean, "what does it matter??" What an absurd thing to ask. 
Does it matter to eternity? 
I don't know..
Is God's Kingdom better for it? 
God's Kingdom!? Where did that come from? We're not talking about God's Kingdom, we're talking about the things that will make me happy! 
Tell me, if this thing that will bring you so-called happiness would hinder the expansion of God's Kingdom... If your decision to sacrifice this thing you want would result in the saving of lives.... would you sacrifice it?
Wait, wait... I still don't think we're talking about God's Kingdom, can we just get back to the matter at hand? I don't like where this conversation is going. 
Would. You. Sacrifice. What YOU want... for God's Kingdom? 
But what about that stuff about "the desires of your heart" being added to me...? I thought my desires mattered? 
Seek first the Kingdom of God..... And THEN all these thing shall be added unto you... Is that the verse you're talking about? 
Um. Yes that one. 
*Inner voice smiles smugly*


I have these arguments with myself often, so just bear with me.... I'm not saying that our desires aren't important to God, but is it possible that our desires have become too important to us? Do our own desires consume us to the point where we are blind to the desperation of a dying world that needs passionate Jesus-followers to reach out with arms full of life? 

I sometimes get the feeling that  us Christians wipe our forehead with the back our hand, say "Phew! At least I got saved!" and then move onto the finer (and sadly such temporary) things in life. Have we become such a selfish, and self-righteous people, no better than the Jews of Christ's day? Have I?

I'm all for balance. 
Yes, having some degree of happiness in life is good. 
Yes, having my basic needs provided is important, both to me and to God. 
Yes, there is place for personal growth and ambition and the desire to grow my life on earth. 
BUT... 
Never at the expense of God's Kingdom in my life! If God's Kingdom purpose is lacking, then my life is so horribly out of balance, being all about me, me, me... happiness, being a temporary thing, will fade to nothing. 

I'm starting to face the challenge that if I can truly centre my life on what Jesus wants on this earth, He will take care of all the rest - all those things that I arduously try to sort out in "My World", all those things I fret over, the things that keep me up at night, the doubts that haunt me day in and day out... the selfish things.
There are more important things at hand. Life and death.

This really is just the tip of a very large iceberg, one that I'd like to see crashing into the cold, selfishness of my heart, sinking the whole rotten thing... making way for God to transplant His immensely compassionate heart in its place.

All I want

is all You have... 

Shark Attack!... or wait... no, ummm...

This is astonishing, and tragic - So hectic, it doesn't even fit into my blog page.

Start Counting...

As long as you are always looking back at the way things used to be, you will never be able to appreciate the way things are now. This is not because what you used to have is any better than what you have now, but simply because your head is quite literally facing the wrong way. 
You cannot possibly see all you have in front of you, when your eyes are constantly averted over your shoulder.

Looking back kills gratitude.

Let Go.

Take a look around.

And start counting.

You will find your blessings gradually become un-countable. 

Where are you, Fellow Inhabitants of this Planet?

Living in the past…?

Or immersing yourself in the present…? 

TODAY

Feeling a bit rattled this morning. Was stuck in slow-moving traffic on my way to work which, as it turns out, was the result of a hit and run. Some poor dude seems to have been hit on the shoulder of the road, lying twisted in the dirt and bleeding. What a disturbing sight. It must have just happened, because there were no emergency vehicles on the scene, and one police car was just arriving.

There was a handful of people standing around. Just standing around, I couldn’t understand it. Why weren’t they helping him? Why weren’t they trying to check his vitals? Wasn’t there something they could do? Anything at all? My mind was racing, should I stop? Should I pull over and help? Even now I wonder if I should have, could have… just done something…?

I reasoned with myself that the police would know what to do, and drove on.

In hindsight, I realize that the only real reason why a handful of humans would stand by in idleness is that their fellow human on the road was probably already gone. Already too late.

It occurred to me how upset I was. I, a stranger, shedding a tear in my car for a nameless man on the side of the road. I, with nothing invested in this man, mourning his death. It made me think… How much more must God’s heart ache, break, be ripped open, for this man, whom he created, loved, died for, pursued, obsessed over…? How Big is the Love of Papa, for His Beloved!

Fellow Inhabitants of this beautiful, tragic planet, be grateful for your today, for someone else did not get to have it. Say “I love you” to the people you care about. Do something good. Be kind to people around you. Smile at others. Make today count. 

The Plans He Has For Me

I sat in church the other night, and I must have suddenly become tired or hungry or something. You see, when I'm tired or hungry, I become a very nasty person - anyone who knows me will testify to this. And as I sat in church, during the minister's sermon, I was just suddenly attacked by a seriously bad attitude.

The minister was giving a message on seeds, good soil, bad soil, birds and weeds - you may be familiar with the parable. But at one point, the minister asked the question, "Do you know what God wants you to do with your life? And are you doing it!?" 

Enter the Bad Attitude: "How should I know?! I don't know what He wants me to do, and I've been asking Him for years!!? How can you ask me that?!" 

Wow. My inner thoughts were like a slap in my own face. I'm quite sure that the Lord didn't fall off His throne in shock - He knows my heart better than I do - but I sure nearly fell off my own chair. Did I just think that?! Why haven't I been struck by lightning yet? 

Having recovered somewhat, I couldn't quite get my mind back on the pastor's sermon, and so I sat and chewed on the question for the remainder of the evening.

I have been feeling for quite some time now that something *B*I*G* is about to happen. In my mind, I see the Lord opening a door that I've dreamed of walking through, a door that I never thought would open for me. A door that I never even knew existed for me! I have no idea what is beyond this elusive door, but when I think of it, I'm filled with anticipation, excitement and gratitude. I can't wait to see how He's going to use me! But then... I get back into my reality, my daily life, and it all seems so... well... mundane. Frustrating. 

For a few months now, I keep being reminded of Joseph and his multi-coloured cloak. He was his father's favourite, and a dreamer. He dreamed of his brothers bowing before him. Then he dreamed of his brothers and his parents bowing before him. He dreamed of being a saviour and a ruler of the people. He knew that, despite being the youngest of 12 brothers, which already made him less significant as far as birthright goes, God had something huge for Him. He dreamed *B*I*G*. 

Ultimately, Joseph's brothers grew to hate him, and his parents rebuked him for his seemingly foolish dreams. He was abused and sold into slavery, and spent the next thirteen years of his life waiting for his dreams to materialize. Thirteen years! I'm quite certain that during those thirteen years of slavery, false accusations and imprisonment, Joseph must have grumbled about his destiny from time to time. Just the same way my heart did in church the other night. 

You see, I think that deep down I'm just afraid that my dreams are just that: dreams. And that I really will just live an insignificant life, leaving no legacy, making no footprint on this planet, having touched no lives, and perhaps scraping into Heaven by the skin of my teeth at the end of a very mundane existence. And that is why the pastor's question hit such a nerve last night: Do you know what God wants you to do, and are you doing it? 

Jeremiah 29v 11-14

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 YOU WILL SEEK ME and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

People usually stop reading at verse 11, because all on it's own, that is such a "feel-good" verse. You don't really want to risk spoiling it by reading anything further. And yet, the first time that I read verses 12 and 13, I was absolutely floored. And then verse 14: "I will be found by you". WOW.

The minister's question made me uncomfortable, because I don't know what the Lord has planned for me, and until He chooses to reveal it to me, I am to wait, as Joseph waited. Thirteen years? Who knows. But what I do know is that the only way I will ever see my dreams come to pass is to look into His Face. It's extraordinary that He asks nothing more from us. No rituals. No demands. No animal sacrifices. Just for us to get to know Him. 

Seek My face. I will set you free. 

Seek My face. I will restore you.

Seek My face. I will make you a conqueror. 

Seek My face. I will unfold plans that you can only dream of. 

Seek Me. I will be found by you. 

And this is where it hit me: DO I know what God wants me to do? YES! Could it be that my ultimate calling in this life is to simply seek Father's face, and get to know Him? Everything else is secondary, and any *B*I*G* plans that come to pass are only the by-product of my relationship with the Almighty. That really simplifies things and takes the pressure off me, trying so hard to figure out what the Lord has in mind for me... as if I could dare read the mind of God.

It probably isn't the kind of answer that our minister was looking for, when he asked that thought-provoking question, but if I think about it: what an honour. If I spent the next thirteen years looking into His Face, getting to know Him, it could be the most adventurous, wonderful thirteen years of my life

Psalm 20v5:

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

This article, and many others like it, can be found on the Above The Flame Blog page or Facebook page. Be Blessed. x

MCR Lyrics of the Day

Considering that this blog is partly inspired by My Chemical Romance (see my first blog post ever here - lame!), I do get the occasional, irresistible urge to spurt out some random reference to them. I've been listening to MCR for 3 solid days now, every moment I get, and so I am just bursting with the urge to spurt, and thought I'd begin this "MCR Lyric of the Day" tradition, for times like these. 


So I'm beginning with a track off their more recent album, "Danger Days" a song quite simply called "Na Na Na". I'm not sure how many "Na's" there are supposed to technically be in there, but you'll know the song if you're a fan. 

This song in it's entirety is not meant to be understood... It's way 'out there', and totally abstract, and I don't know if anyone except Gerard Way truly knows what it's about, although I've heard it speculated that it's about corrupt society, commercialism and greed. Pretty deep stuff for a rock band.

Gerard Way being out there and abstract

But for all the bizarre lyrics, this one excerpt is so plain, and so cutting, it catches me mid-thought every time.

Excerpt from "Na Na Na" - My Chemical Romance

Everybody wants to change the world

Everybody wants to change the world

But no one..

No one wants to Die

Wanna try, wanna try,

Wanna try, wanna try, 

Wanna try now..

How true, that we as humanity are so very quick to verbalize our opinions on what would make this world a better place, but as soon as that requires some self-sacrifice or discomfort... well, that's a different story. Thought-provoking stuff. For a rock band.


Listen to "Na-Na-Na" here - it's a censored version, so feel free to crank it up! It flipping rocks.

Shut Up Little Voice, I'm Human!

Psalm 32v10: He that trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him…

At this point in my life, there are some things that hurt. Some things that I can’t make happen by myself, and things that I have no choice but to trust the Almighty with. And I do, I really do. I’m not obsessing over these things, and I’m doing my utmost with the wonderful life that I have before me right now.

But I can’t help it if sometimes life gets me down. I’m feeling low this morning. I’m all too aware today of the things I can’t control, things that I’m praying for breakthrough on, things that I know only God Himself can do. My breakthrough isn’t here yet, and I keep hoping it will be soon. I just keep hoping, trusting. Still, my heart is sad.

Why is it then that I have this mean little voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m never going to succeed, because I’m not trusting the Lord. Telling me that I should be displaying my trust in a show of continual happiness and peace. If I were truly placing my trust in the Lord, I would not be feeling this way, right?

I’m not happy right at this moment!

And there are things that I don’t have peace about within my heart!

But I DO trust my Father to care for me. You stupid little voice, how dare you tell me how to feel!?

Man I am so tired of feeling bad for not fitting the mould. I’m breaking free of this. I’m going to have bad days, world, so just deal with it. Being God’s child doesn’t make me impermeable to pain, it doesn’t make me a doormat to be walked over, and it doesn’t give me a happy mask to wear every day.

Jesus wept.

Jesus challenged people over things that were worth the argument.

Jesus pushed tables over, with a whip in his Hand, in an outrage over something that He was righteously indignant over. How I’d love to see His face, red with anger, eyes glittering with passion!

So if I’m not feeling 100% today, I know my Papa in heaven doesn’t mind. He knows I’m human, and that I can’t see the bigger picture, and He understands that it’s frustrating to wait around, blindfolded about the future and hurting about the present.

He’s more Gracious than you, little voice, so take your guilt trip somewhere else.

This Is An Emergency

Today I arrived at work and greeted a colleague. We smiled and exchanged the normal "How was your weekend?" that has come to be the acceptable Monday-morning small-talk. However, he broke the unwritten rule of acceptable small-talk, by being abnormally honest and saying that he hasn't been doing too well, and has been going through a difficult time. I could see that he was bursting to get something off his chest, but even when I inquired as to what the matter is, he smiled his big, toothy grin and shrugged it all off with a mumble about 'family matters'.

My heart just ached for him, and I wished I could reach into his soul and touch it and make it all better... kind-of an emotional overreaction for Monday-morning small-talk, right? Yeah, that's what I thought too. 

But I've been putting some thought into it. A fellow human being is hurting. Someone I see almost every day. Someone who smiles at me every time. Even if our relationship is predominantly business, can I really bring myself to blatantly not care? Isn't it my responsibility as a human being to care, on some level? If not, wouldn't I simply be inhumane?

A fire is lighting in my spirit, slowly igniting over the last few months, and if I must be honest: it scares me. I can no longer deny that I have a passion for the broken. The scary thing about having a passion for broken people, is that there will always be broken people, which might make it what we call a 'losing battle'. But if you help just one person, have you really lost the battle? For that one person, it is an immense victory!

I was driving home this afternoon - my car now being a regular place of contemplation for me - and my iPod played a beautiful song that cut straight to my innermost being. Eerily, the song is an echo of this morning's experience with my colleague:

Tears of The Saints - by Leeland

The song describes a great deal of sadness, and one line in particular stands out: This is an Emergency. It is so true. This world is in a state of emergency, and it is our responsibility as humanity to care for one another. There will always be poverty. There will always be sickness and cruelty. But this is no reason for complacency - we are called to lead the broken home. 

So here I am, coming to terms with what God has laid on my heart, and wondering what to do with it. The way I'm feeling right now, I could easily throw caution to the wind and join the ministry full-time, but maybe once I figure it out for real, I will share it with you. 

For now, fellow inhabitants of this planet, please look after eachother. Be humane. Take the time to care. Allow the heart of God to pump in your chest. You will never see the world the same.