Yes Man No Woman

I had a NO week. 

In my line of work - being an executive assistant - it often falls to me to say "No" to people who are making proposals or asking for favours or wanting some of my manager's precious time. 

I had to say "No" a lot this week. 

Dear Sir, we unfortunately will not be advertising in your magazine at this time. 

Dear Madam, the decision has been made that we will not be participating in this trade exchange at this time. 

Dear Madam, we are unfortunately not in the position to sponsor a gift for your high tea. We do wish you all the best. 

Dear Sir, we will not be listing on your website this year. 

Dear Sir, after some consideration, we will not be utilising your services to increase our company's SEO.

Dear Madam, as we already have a service provider assisting us with this, we will not be taking you up on your proposal. 

No.

No.

NO. 

NO.

NO.

I was never really at good at saying "no" before,  but it's gotten to a point where I can pretty much turn someone down without feeling so terrible now. I guess it's just my job. Someone is doing their job, I'm doing my job, and it's sometimes my job to say that their job and my job are not going to be done together. In other words, "No."

But the best part of my job is when someone comes to me with a proposal or an idea so exciting, so innovative, so too-good-to-be-true awesome that I cannot wait to shove it under my manager's nose and say "Look, look, look what I found, isn't it friggin amazing!?! Can we do it, can we do it, can we, can we, can we???"... and those are the moments I live for at work, the moments that make all the No's worthwhile.... that moment that I can leap from from my chair, throw my hands in the air,  and cry out to the heavens "YES!!!!!"

Yup... I love my job. I luh-huuuuv my job. 

All the Small Things

What happens when you push yourself, and stop listening to the subtle messages that your body sends you to "stop"?

You land up in hospital for eight days, followed by an order to take up bed-rest thereafter.

Well, maybe not for everyone, but that's what happened to me a few weeks ago. At 32 weeks pregnant, I finally crashed and burned one Sunday, and we made a hasty trip to the maternity ward to discover that I was in preterm labour. Long story short... I am now 35 weeks pregnant (phew!) and on strict orders to rest, with baby girl growing healthy and stronger every day.

Thing is, when you find yourself stuck in a place like a hospital (or a prison, I imagine) unexpectedly, with all your personal comforts suddenly taken from you, you come to appreciate all the small things (and some big things) that you didn't even think twice about beforehand. As if life somehow owes you those things upfront, like oxygen and sustenance. During my eight days incarceration, and on the day of my homecoming, I came up with a list of things that I will never again take for granted, some of which I thought to share....

Tweezers. A week in hospital without tweezers, and I closely resembled the hairy James P. Sullivan from Monsters Inc. This was my first act of homecoming - to re-shape my eyebrows and sigh in satisfaction at the mirror. Followed by a gloriously close shave with a non-disposable razor... It was heavenly.

James P. Sullivan, AKA "Sully" - Monsters Inc.

Yep that's what I looked like, don't judge me.

Music. There is no music in hospital. The nurse's badly-chosen ringtone does not count. I eventually figured out that if I kept the TV above me on, tuned to a movie channel, I could catch the ten minutes of music played during every movie credit roll. Yes, I actually did this, such was my desperation. I watched a lot of junk for those ten minutes...
On my homecoming, I put on a favourite music album... and nearly cried for the beauty of it.

The smell of home. You know what I mean - that mixture of scents and fragrances that you know as yours, almost as though you and your loved ones have unintentionally marked this territory as 'home'. On the day of my return from hospital, I came into the house via the garage. It smelled of my husband's greasy rags and the petrol lawnmower. I took a deep, desperate-for-more breath - it was the scent of "welcome home".

Waking up with someone you know and love. Poking my husband for snoring, fighting over bed space, listening to him breathing... what a joy to wake up next to him every morning.

The Silences. A familiar wind rustling familiar leaves just outside my very own window. The hum of my own ceiling fan, and the creepy house-noises I've come to recognize. Strictly speaking, these are sounds, not silences, but after eight days of trolleys, beeping machines, and clanging trays... these are the sounds of Silence.

My breakfast ritual. One WeetBix stick. A dessert spoon of whole linseeds. Two dessert spoons of All-Bran flakes. One sliced banana. Loads of milk. Yum, and a very happy tummy... I've realized that I am such a creature of habit - I missed my daily breakfast so much that I actually had it for lunch on my first day back home.

Normal chatter. However well-meaning it may be, "How are you feeling?" becomes a tiresome topic of discussion. I feel tired and sore and scared and annoyed to be in hospital. But I don't want to get you down, so I'm going to smile and and say "Oh fine, better than yesterday". Since being back home, normal small-talk has been resumed. So-and-so's dog's strange behaviour. What's-his-name's new Christmas tree. The latest specials at Pick n Pay. It's La-di-da's birthday today, did you wish him? Tell me something, anything. It all matters, no matter how mundane.

Variety. I came home, and desperately wanted to be in every room of the house, all at once. From being confined to one bed and a drip all week,  I wanted to sit and breathe in the languid stillness of the bedroom; flop onto the horribly uncomfortable lounge couch; prepare tea in the homely mess of our sprawled-out kitchen; sniff the towels in the bathroom that smell of showers and fresh soap...


In a nutshell, it is great to be home. There's no place like it. You should think about your life, your home, your loved ones, your little habits, your surroundings... and take the time to enjoy them. When I got married, my amazing, wise brother gave me the best advice about my wedding day: he said, "Stop often. Look around, listen, and just take some time to enjoy that moment of your wedding day. Otherwise, it will go so fast, you won't remember anything."

The same could be said of life in general: Stop often. Look around, listen and take some time to enjoy that moment of your life. Do it, fellow inhabitants of this planet. You will regret missing all the small things in life far more than wasting a few moments to experience it.

Start Counting...

As long as you are always looking back at the way things used to be, you will never be able to appreciate the way things are now. This is not because what you used to have is any better than what you have now, but simply because your head is quite literally facing the wrong way. 
You cannot possibly see all you have in front of you, when your eyes are constantly averted over your shoulder.

Looking back kills gratitude.

Let Go.

Take a look around.

And start counting.

You will find your blessings gradually become un-countable. 

Where are you, Fellow Inhabitants of this Planet?

Living in the past…?

Or immersing yourself in the present…? 

What is wrong with me?

Something is wrong with me.

I have been back at work, after December holidays, for a week and a half. The first week is always a breeze, as many people are still on leave, and most schools still closed. However, I found myself very frustrated, especially getting to work within 40 minutes, when the trip usually takes me an hour and ten.

Due to the lack of traffic, I would not have had a moment to drink my coffee, so would arrive at work, far too early, coffee piping hot and untouched in it's travel mug. I would end up having to drink my precious coffee... at my desk in from of my computer. Horrors.
I would arrive to work, (far too early, I must reiterate) having only listened to half the music I had hoped to hear. Now that is a horror, if ever there was one.
I just felt so.... unfulfilled. Empty.

So yesterday, all the schools were back, most people are back from their holidays and dragging themselves out of bed at ghastly hours to go back to work. Picture it, a groggy Monday morning... roads were treacherously congested, there was an accident, a breakdown, a knocked-down pedestrian (she was ok by the way) and some traffic lights out.

Then there is one portion of road that I usually sit in traffic, for around half an hour, creeping along at 15 km/h. This road runs through the last remaining countryside before hitting the outskirts of Joburg city. I love it.

I wind my window right down, and hang my arm out the window, to feel the cool air.
I make sure I am listening to something truly wonderful on my iPod.
I look at the trees and note how their leaves have changed.
I watch birds and cyclists.
I peer into my review mirror regularly to see what my fellow traveler is doing... usually nothing.
I keep a look-out for my favourite motorcyclist, a man who wears khaki shorts every day, wears a grey BMW Compaq motorcyclist jacket, and rides a BMW. I move over for him and it really makes my day if he waves at me in return.
I sip my coffee. Slowly. Savouring every tongue-scalding sip.
I feel the sun on my skin and breathe in the fresh outside air.

Aaaaah.... Chaos and normality.

Female vocalist P!nk puts it so beautifully in her cheerful new song "Good Old Days". We habitually reminisce the good ol' days, pining after our youth, after the way things once were. Well, P!nk's right: THESE are the good old days. Today may be one of those days we longingly reminisce about in years to come.

Thing is: some things you can't change. The challenge is to adapt. But something truly magical happens when you manage to go beyond adapting, and you find the strength within you... to embrace what you can't change. I love my morning traffic, most of it anyway. I even missed it. And that is why there is something wrong with me.

Or maybe right...?

Happy 2013 Fellow Inhabitants of the Road, it's so very good to have you back! See y'all on the tarmac.

A Beautiful Day to Carry On...

I awoke today to a most beautiful day. A whirling wind was taking the edge off of the summer sun's sting, and it was one of those mornings where the sky is so blue, so very crystalline, that one's eyes have to adjust to its brilliance. In contrast, the garden is a rich emerald green, broken only by bursts of colourful flowers and glittering butterflies.

The extravagance of this morning's creation was enough to make my heart swell until it split open and spewed out gratitude and affection on whomever so chose to cross my path.

Shortly after awakening, I received a heartfelt and thoughtful message from a dear friend, simply wishing me a wonderful day.

My husband cracked a ridiculous joke over breakfast about something so mundane and hilarious, I laughed so hard that my stomach ached.

Half an hour later, I sat with my coffee, gazing out the window at all that is alive and that sky that is so blue... and I had the most uplifting thought.

Life is going to be just fine. Everything is going to be all right.

I realized then that this is what makes a beautiful day, such a beautiful day: This Moment. 

Last year was, for me and for so many people that I know, a tough, ruthless year. It was refreshing to wake up with such a sense of well-being, with such hope for the future. And it figures then, that today I have been enjoying the sounds of a recently acquired CD, by the band called "Fun.".

I thought I would share this with you, as we now Carry On into 2013, and encourage you: Life is going to be just fine. Relax. Breathe. Close your eyes. Experience this very moment. Then carry on.  -->(yes, click the pretty green writing for a song)

"...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6 vs 27; 34


Carpe Diem Fellow Inhabitants of this beautiful planet, and a happy new year to you all.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude - The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. 

The word itself is derived from Anglo-French and Medi-evil Latin words, "gratitudo" and "gratus", which simple mean "grateful". Or, if you prefer: "thankful".

It really is such a simple quality, and a quality, indeed.

I had a bad day today. Or so I thought. Until I read one of my old school-friends blogs this evening, and realized just how easy my day was compared to what she is going through.

Meet Mandy:

Click here to meet Mandy

We went to high school together, like a million years ago. (ten years, if you must know) I haven't seen Mandy since we left school, but we have remained distantly in touch by the great Facebook. I've watched silently as she got married, started her life, began a business, faced some personal battles... One thing I've never forgotten about Mandy, from school, is her spunk, her perseverance, and her outright stubbornness  She was, without doubt, the most bloody-minded, headstrong girl in our class.

Which I believe is a quality that the Almighty must have given her, because if there's anything she needs right now, it's to be a headstrong, stubborn, not-taking-no-crap-from-nobody kind of lady. You see, never would anyone have dreamed that she would be faced with a battle as mortifying as the fight against metastatic gastric cancer. Her battle isn't going so well, at present. (read her blog)

And this has had me thinking for a few weeks now, about the nature of life, and how we experience it.

Today was one such day... I got up today, feeling fresh, healthy, maybe a just tad groggy from a wonderful, busy and extremely fulfilling weekend. I had a shower, washed my hair, had a healthy breakfast, popped a few multivitamins and went on my way. I got stuck in some horrendous traffic, and was half an hour late for work. I arrived to find that a crisis had invaded my work-space, and I absolutely lost my cool in a way that I seldom do. My morning was a myriad of up's and downs as I faced the day's events, and I was only too glad to call it a day when the clock finally hit home-time this afternoon.

I thought it was kind-of a rough day, you know? I got home, feeling weary and a little bit edgy. I powered up my laptop and it wasn't long before stumbled across Mandy's latest blog entry... and immediately felt so, so, so convicted. So cut to the heart. I had a rough day???

(Seriously now, read Mandy's blog immediately for the full affect of this statement)

There is a song that I listen to when I'm having a "rough day" (although I am in the process of re-evaluating what really constitutes to being a "rough day"). Rocking to this song, admitting that I'm Not Okay... well it makes me feel okay after all... It makes me smile, take a deep breath, and sigh. I dedicated this song to Mandy recently, and I dedicate it to all those out there who are being strong in their battles against cancers and other illnesses. I can't imagine how you do it. I take my hat off to you - you, who have every right to cry out "I'm Not Okay!" and yet you get up every day and fight.


I'm not sharing this to make anyone feel guilty. But I feel challenged, and so feel inspired to just share the following challenges with you:

1. BE GRATEFUL. Just do it. Stop whinging. Get over it. Find something in your life to say 'Thank you' for, even if it is simply "Thank you for another beautiful day to live". 
2. October is Cancer Awareness month - maybe you're not up to shaving your head to support the cause, but all you need to do to support the cause is to be aware, and create awareness. Wear a bandanna, purchase a ribbon, go get that suspicious-looking mole tested. Talk about it, and support the people that you know are walking the journey.
3. DO SOMETHING. Life is now, don't waste it. Apologize to those you owe an apology to. Similarly: forgive. Be kind to that person you have always been too shy to speak to. Take up that arbitrary hobby you've always dreamed about. Say "I love you". Say it to everyone that you really love! Everyone! 

Fellow Inhabitants of this Planet... JUST. DO. IT. 

Ghost Pops, Sparklers and New Year

It is an exceptionally beautiful New Year's morning, here in South Africa, and one can hope that it will be a reflection of a beautiful year to come. I spent New Year's Eve in the best possible way, which involved balloons, sparklers, braaivleis, Big Bang Theory, a guitar and a more importantly: a most wonderful group of friends. Thanks guys, you know who you are, and you absolutely rock. 

 

Having already broken into a packet of Ghost Pops this morning (and it's only 07h30) I'm not going to jump into New Year Resolutions just yet. No, I'll be taking a few moments to look back at 2011, as many people are doing, if only to reflect on all that I can be grateful for. 

I'm grateful that I gave up caffeine. A good cup of decaff coffee tastes the same as normal coffee, without the heart palpitations. 

I'm grateful to have found a job that I love. A job is hard enough to find in itself, but to do something that you love... well, that's remarkable. 

I'm grateful for my husband. This year has seen a blossoming of who we are together, and I'm excited about what the future holds. 

I'm grateful for all the music. 2011 brought about some of the most ground-breaking music releases, and my love affair with music has only become more passionate and consuming during this last year. 

I'm grateful for my nephew's conception. I'm about to become an Auntie, proudest Auntie on the planet, and so thank you and good luck to my wonderful brother and his beautiful wife.

I'm grateful that after many years of struggling with my hamstring injury, I finally managed to kick my punching bag - for the first time since giving up kick-boxing. I'm having the time of my life!

I'm grateful for family. No words can express how amazing you all are. 

I'm grateful for all the simple things. A roof overhead. Summer heat, sunshine and pretty dresses. Big Bang Theory. The existence of chocolate. The discovery of organic products.

I'm grateful for the new people I've met who have added to the spontaneity and colour in my life.

I'm grateful for my first live concert experience ever - thank you, Kongos, you dudes rocked on every level.

I'm grateful for my blog. Grateful that one winter morning, stuck at home with flu, my sick boredom birthed this little website that has become an outlet for one of the things I simply love to do: write. 

I'm grateful for Grace, which was paid for at the highest price. My hope is that I never forget the Cross or the Empty Grave, and all that they represent.

Once I'm done with my Ghost Pops and decaff coffee, I shall contemplate my resolutions for this coming year. But what good are resolutions, if you don't take the time to look back and contemplate the wonders and successes of the year just passed?

So, this is all I want to carry into 2012. Forgetting all the disappointments, and letting go of the things that hurt, remembering only the blessings, and in turn, looking forward to the blessings to come. Setting new goals, making new decisions, praying for new adventures.


Come with me, fellow inhabitants of this planet. 2012 is here, and it beckons us to live it!

A Glass Half-Full... Of Rain.

I like to think of myself as a 'glass half-full' kind of person. I may not always have this quality in every circumstance I face, but I do try to find the silver lining in life's storms.


Speaking of which, we had some gentle rains this afternoon, here in Johannesburg. I'm sure you no doubt will know, as a fellow inhabitant of this overly congested planet, that as soon as one single molecule of precipitation falls from the sky, a phenomemon begins to occur below. As this catastrophic droplet of H2O plummets toward the earth, the magnetic fields in the atmosphere twist and warp and mutate. And when the droplet makes it's fatal impact on the ground, the now-shuddering magnetic fields implode upon themselves, sucking in with them all cognitive brain capacity, all human hand-eye co-ordination, and all ability to reason and form constructive decisions. The shock-wave from this astronomical incident is also known to cause all existing thought processes to become scrambled, forcing the brain of said thought processes to restart entirely.


And this is why, when it rains, traffic comes to a grinding halt. People become stupid on a universal scale.


So, when I left work in the drizzling rain, I resigned myself to the fact that I would be facing some heavy traffic on the way home. Surprisingly enough, not only was traffic lighter than usual, but I found that there was something I could be grateful for in the rain; a silver lining, so to speak. 


For the first time this week, I was able to drive on the highway without a teenager in a GTi weaving around my car, or a rooster* in an Audi riding up my rear bumper flashing his lights. No blind old businessman in a Merc cutting me off because he had the lack of foresight to see the slow truck right in front of him.


Yes, the rain seems to make people safe. And civilized. Perhaps it is the trance-like state that follows the droplet-hitting-earth-apocalypse, but my highway experience this afternoon was just so..... Peaceful.
And for this, I was grateful. I am also grateful that something as mundane as traffic and weather has given me something to write about. 


There is always something to be grateful for. 


This whole experience made me think of a song, which is now stuck in my head. Funnily enough, this song is completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but I shall share it with you for two very good reasons: 


1. The song makes reference in the first verse to a "road, long and winding", and a "silver lining" that's "out there somewhere." Other than this verse, the song is totally random to whatever it is I'm trying to write about. Weather... Traffic... Gratitude... Who knows. (not me) 


2. Bryan Adams is really easy-on-the-eyes, for an older guy

Enjoy this lovely tune (yes, click on the pretty purple writing), and may your upcoming Friday be fraught with silver linings, civilized drivers, and if you're especially lucky, someone like Bryan Adams to look at. 




*rooster in Audi is the kind of driver that Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear refers to... but Mr. Clarkson is a little less complimentary with his choice of words. Use your imagination, it'll come to you.