Sinking My World

While listening to an old song by the band Delirious? this morning, I was struck by a thought. The song is called "Sanctify" on the King of Fools album, and some of the words go like...

And all I want

is all You have.

Come to me

Rescue me

Follow me

with Your Love. 

I was in my "plan-my-life" world when this song came on. You know, we all have that "My World" - that selfish place in our minds where we tick off things that we've done, and make long lists of the things we want, the changes we wish for, and where we recount the indignant experiences that we've had to wrongfully suffer at the hands of this unfair world...

So I was in this world of mine, and without warning, a most unwelcome thought slapped me across the face. What does it matter, this fickle thing so-called "happiness"? 

What do you mean, "what does it matter??" What an absurd thing to ask. 
Does it matter to eternity? 
I don't know..
Is God's Kingdom better for it? 
God's Kingdom!? Where did that come from? We're not talking about God's Kingdom, we're talking about the things that will make me happy! 
Tell me, if this thing that will bring you so-called happiness would hinder the expansion of God's Kingdom... If your decision to sacrifice this thing you want would result in the saving of lives.... would you sacrifice it?
Wait, wait... I still don't think we're talking about God's Kingdom, can we just get back to the matter at hand? I don't like where this conversation is going. 
Would. You. Sacrifice. What YOU want... for God's Kingdom? 
But what about that stuff about "the desires of your heart" being added to me...? I thought my desires mattered? 
Seek first the Kingdom of God..... And THEN all these thing shall be added unto you... Is that the verse you're talking about? 
Um. Yes that one. 
*Inner voice smiles smugly*


I have these arguments with myself often, so just bear with me.... I'm not saying that our desires aren't important to God, but is it possible that our desires have become too important to us? Do our own desires consume us to the point where we are blind to the desperation of a dying world that needs passionate Jesus-followers to reach out with arms full of life? 

I sometimes get the feeling that  us Christians wipe our forehead with the back our hand, say "Phew! At least I got saved!" and then move onto the finer (and sadly such temporary) things in life. Have we become such a selfish, and self-righteous people, no better than the Jews of Christ's day? Have I?

I'm all for balance. 
Yes, having some degree of happiness in life is good. 
Yes, having my basic needs provided is important, both to me and to God. 
Yes, there is place for personal growth and ambition and the desire to grow my life on earth. 
BUT... 
Never at the expense of God's Kingdom in my life! If God's Kingdom purpose is lacking, then my life is so horribly out of balance, being all about me, me, me... happiness, being a temporary thing, will fade to nothing. 

I'm starting to face the challenge that if I can truly centre my life on what Jesus wants on this earth, He will take care of all the rest - all those things that I arduously try to sort out in "My World", all those things I fret over, the things that keep me up at night, the doubts that haunt me day in and day out... the selfish things.
There are more important things at hand. Life and death.

This really is just the tip of a very large iceberg, one that I'd like to see crashing into the cold, selfishness of my heart, sinking the whole rotten thing... making way for God to transplant His immensely compassionate heart in its place.

All I want

is all You have... 

Everyday, a Random Day

I have these Random Days. They descend on me quite unannounced. I find myself absolutely powerless to defend myself against days such as these… such as the day that I am currently having right now.

On these Random Days, which seem to occur more frequently than not, I am overwhelmed by a “mysterious something” that immerses, envelopes, consumes my heart. On one hand, this something can accurately be described as fuzzy and warm, mushy and bubbly, and quite probably pink. But what absolutely baffles me is how this seemingly fuzzy, warm, mushy (probably pink) bubbly something (are you still with me?) has the capacity to hit me like a bus, quite literally bringing tears to my eyes. It’s like a tidal wave, it crashes into every part of me until I am absolutely sure that I have drowned in it.

Drowned, and yet, not dead.

In fact, so much more alive.

This something doesn’t have a name. I cannot name it, although I have tried.

It is…

…the urge to hug people.

To hug absolutely every soul on this planet. The kind of hug that people remember, those tight ones, the squeeze-ie ones that whisper “I really do care about you” without whispering at all. I have come to call such days “I-want-to-hug-the-world” days. But I suspect, due to the ever-increasing frequency of these days, that I am becoming a “I-want-to-hug-the-world” person.

I work at a hotel. I’m surrounded by people all day. I work with a diverse team, and have gotten to know them on a personal level.

I wish I could hug them. Every. Single. One.

From our biggest teddy-bear of a waiter

to the timid housekeeper with the wide eyes

to our busy managers trapped up behind their desks

to our sweetest barmen with their naughty smiles

to the singing chef filling the food with cheer

to the office ladies talking nonsense to pass the time (and working very hard).

Some people are pregnant with new life;

Some are facing death in their family;

Some are hiding sad secrets behind their eyes;

Most of them laugh every day, regardless of their lives.

I am inspired by them.

But mostly I just love them.

And I want to hug them. So badly.

So, dear World, if I start to jitter and twitch, if I grin like a psychotic fool, if I start giggling through clenched teeth… this is just the picture of desperate self-restraint and as close to composure as I can come. For inside, I am tackling you with a violently-lovable embrace, I am crushing you with my whole heart, I am pouring out the tidal wave of this “something” that’s drowned me to death and then filled me to overflowing with life.

It can only be Jesus. I, alone, am not capable of such Love.

I am reminded of a gorgeous song, accompanied by an even more gorgeous music video. “Everyday”, by the awesome Dave Matthews Band, came out many years ago… but this will never grow old.Love never expires.

Hugs to you Beautiful People of this Planet!