Roses are Red, when Life is Blue...

Thought I’d escape to a rose garden to find some answers and fresh air during lunchtime. Turns out that all I found was roses. And air so heavily scented with the roses’ perfume, I could almost taste it. It didn’t taste like answers and the roses didn’t talk to me like I almost expected they would. Oh, they were ever so pretty, but utterly silent.

There was no dramatic soundtrack to accompany the moment, and no epiphany to bring peace to my inner turbulence. What do you do when you want something you just can’t seem to have? What happens when the past comes back to remind you of your failures?

Rose gardens are such disappointing oracles of wisdom. All they do is bob around in the breeze and look pretty. 

Epic Soundtracks and Butterflies, Butterflies Everywhere!

Picture my morning: It is 07h55. I’ve had my breakfast – a mixture of cereals and yoghurt – my husband is already charging around the garden outside “sorting stuff out”, as he usually does on Saturday mornings. I am tidying the kitchen and washing the morning dishes, peering out a window that overlooks the back yard.

I’m feeling musical this morning, so I already have my iPod hooked up to my lumo-pink Shox speaker, and I’ve selected the Pearl Harbor soundtrack. I hit ‘Play’, and immerse my hands in the dishwater, scrubbing absent-mindedly at a sticky coffee cup. Outside, my husband continues to charge, back and forth, back and forth.

 To this day, I cannot listen to this soundtrack, without becoming at least slightly choked up... The sound of Faith Hill’s smooth vocals rises from my iPod, and suddenly I am all too aware of the moment. Dishes forgotten, my mind is outside. It is a glorious day. I hate that the phrase “glorious day” has been so over-used and clichéd, because this truly is a glorious morning. Not a cloud in the sky, grass as green and fluffy as… well, grass… the trees heavy-laden with leaves and Summer… and today is particularly glorious because it is the first day of our local white butterflies.

I’m not sure what to call them… South Africans will know this: once a year, from somewhere in the great outdoors, millions and millions of white butterflies take flight from their cocoons all at once, as if in some conspiracy to redecorate the world, spreading beauty and purity across the countryside for days, weeks at a time. Go outside, look around, and if you’re lucky enough to live in such a blessed region, your outside will be a-flutter with pulsating white life…

So yes, I’m having a very girly morning, after my very girly moment. The combination of the soundtrack and the magnificent summer outdoors had my insides all bubbly and googly, and I was momentarily overwhelmed by the urge to abandon the dishes, and rush outside to join in with nature’s festivities. The word “frolic” comes to mind. “Prance”. Oh, if only I were a fairy-tale, free to frolic among the butterflies, grass between my toes, untouched sapphire skies rising triumphantly overhead…

Have you ever imagined an eight-month pregnant lady frolicking in the garden? I have – imagined it, that is – it’s a disturbing image. It involves terrified butterflies fleeing the scene in haphazard panic, indented-grass footprints making drunken paths across the back yard, and the pregnant fairy most likely landing a podgy foot in a large landmine of doggy-doo.

There are certain things that one should not attempt while pregnant. Such as a frolicking. Or riding on the back of a superbike. (definitely not with curlers and slippers)

Right. Glorious day. Back to the dishes – it’s safer to dream these dreams in my head, where they can maintain some dignity. 

Just another example of the way life has it's soundtracks... when you find that perfect song for that perfect time, a moment so mundane can be brought so very much alive. I may not have frolicked, but in my head and and my heart... I did. Music is magical. 

(Some personal history on this soundtrack... In 2001, producer Jerry Bruckheimer released one of hollywood's greatest war films, Pearl Harbor - with it's compelling story, characters both charming and flawed, convincing actors and actresses, and a haunting soundtrack so inspired and so utterly beautiful... This is one of my favourite movies, and a soundtrack that I shared with my BFF during our Hans-Zimmer-crazed teen years. Good times. 

If you haven't watched the movie, you have missed one of Hollywood's finest moments. I recommend it, with a box of tissues.)

Jonathan David and Melissa Helser Band

This "band" visited our church last week - I put the word band in inverted comma's, because they are so much more than just that: They are carriers of God's revelation. Revelation of His immense, heartbreaking Love, of His everlasting Goodness and Mercy... No words can describe the wonderful tidal wave of worship that Jonathan and Melissa Helser carry with them wherever they raise their music. 


I thought I'd share some words of theirs, which I've taken from Jonathan David Helser's blog - This is what the Lord whispered to Jonathan in a moment of worship. What a beautiful thought. What a beautiful knowledge. God is up to something. I just know it. 

Look at the nations

I'm gonna do something 

Great in your days

You wouldn't believe it

Even if I told you

Watch and be amazed

I want these dreams, Even more than you

Faith is when, you believe that I do

In these days, you will say, I didn't know God could be so good

Go ahead and try Me

You can ask

For anything you want

But I promise 

That I am gonna

Give you more than you ever thought

In these days, you will say, I didn't know God could be so good

-Jonathan David Helser

 - Check out Jonathan and Melissa's website for more info on their visions and ministry -

Shut Up Little Voice, I'm Human!

Psalm 32v10: He that trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him…

At this point in my life, there are some things that hurt. Some things that I can’t make happen by myself, and things that I have no choice but to trust the Almighty with. And I do, I really do. I’m not obsessing over these things, and I’m doing my utmost with the wonderful life that I have before me right now.

But I can’t help it if sometimes life gets me down. I’m feeling low this morning. I’m all too aware today of the things I can’t control, things that I’m praying for breakthrough on, things that I know only God Himself can do. My breakthrough isn’t here yet, and I keep hoping it will be soon. I just keep hoping, trusting. Still, my heart is sad.

Why is it then that I have this mean little voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m never going to succeed, because I’m not trusting the Lord. Telling me that I should be displaying my trust in a show of continual happiness and peace. If I were truly placing my trust in the Lord, I would not be feeling this way, right?

I’m not happy right at this moment!

And there are things that I don’t have peace about within my heart!

But I DO trust my Father to care for me. You stupid little voice, how dare you tell me how to feel!?

Man I am so tired of feeling bad for not fitting the mould. I’m breaking free of this. I’m going to have bad days, world, so just deal with it. Being God’s child doesn’t make me impermeable to pain, it doesn’t make me a doormat to be walked over, and it doesn’t give me a happy mask to wear every day.

Jesus wept.

Jesus challenged people over things that were worth the argument.

Jesus pushed tables over, with a whip in his Hand, in an outrage over something that He was righteously indignant over. How I’d love to see His face, red with anger, eyes glittering with passion!

So if I’m not feeling 100% today, I know my Papa in heaven doesn’t mind. He knows I’m human, and that I can’t see the bigger picture, and He understands that it’s frustrating to wait around, blindfolded about the future and hurting about the present.

He’s more Gracious than you, little voice, so take your guilt trip somewhere else.

Haunted: Breaking Dawn

As was mentioned in last week's post, we went to watch Breaking Dawn Part 1 on Sunday night. After sufficiently building up to the movie by watching the three previous movies last week, hubby and I sat in the cinema, in anticipation...

So, it's taken me four days to adequately form an opinion. Four days of chewing on the storyline, mulling over how the characters have developed. Four days to consider the way that they interpreted Bella's attitude toward her circumstances. Four days to decide that the only thing I didn't like about the movie was the corny background music in the first ten minutes of the film, which made me feel like I was watching a badly contrived episode of Seventh Heaven. Which is only fine, if you are watching a badly contrived episode of Seventh Heaven. But mostly, it's taken me four days to digest the soundtrack, which for me, is just as important as the movie, if not more so. 

I've been listening to the soundtrack since Sunday, trying to take it in. It is so drastically different from the previous 3 soundtracks, that it was somewhat of a shock to the system. This soundtrack is mellow. No, you don't get it, it is m-e-l-l-o-w. Like... Super. Duper. Mellow. 


Of course, it has the hit-track by Bruno Mars, "It Will Rain", which is just exquisite, but my current favourite is something a little more different. A little bit abstract even. Something I didn't like at first, until I heard it at a million decibels in the solitary confines of my car, at a moment when I was feeling more than a tad vulnerable. 


This track, "Cold", by Aqualung and Lucy Schwartz, is possibly the most haunting song I have heard yet. I'm still trying figure out what it is about, and probably never will, but I encourage you to put on your ear-phones and really listen to this. Turn it up, until it is resonating in your soul. Listen to it when you are alone, and can let your guard down. Close your eyes. This song gives me such shivers, that it feels as though my hair follicles are turning inside out.


If you find that you are not at first impressed, turn it up and just wait a little longer. When the track reaches 2 minutes and 30 seconds, brace yourself for a crescendo of intertwining harmonies, so gloriously breath-taking that your whole body will be overcome with chills. Ironic, for a song called "Cold".





Wow. 


And for the record, I loved the movie. Just loved it!


"No measurement of time will ever be long enough with you... So let's start with forever." ~ Edward Cullin

Sexiest Song Ever!

I'm tired of rappers and their distorted idea of sensuality. All I hear on the radio these days is "Baby dis" and "Baby dat"... with a whole lot of poor English language in-between, that's supposed to be, what... erm... 'provocative'?? Lil' Wayne is by far the worst, but let me not get started on him - he will have a whole blog dedicated to him, all by himself. 


No, there is not enough truly romantic music out there anymore. I came to this realization this week when the radio pulled out a seriously hot track from 1990, and it just burns with good, old-fashioned desire. No kinkiness. No crudeness. No vulgar language. Just fresh, clean sex appeal. It really made me smile and sing along, I simply had to share...

"Kiss Me", by Australian band, Indecent Obsession, was released in 1990, and (not surprisingly) held the #1 spot on South African charts for 27 weeks. Click here to check it out...


And just to demonstrate further how dripping-with-heat this song is, I'm including the lyrics...

Excuse me for staring

Your looks have me blinded

You want to touch me

So don't try to fight it

Kiss me

I'd walk your sweet curves

For days without water

My drink is your lips

Don't you think you oughtta

Just kiss me

Blond and ambitious

You're dancing with wild boys

Melting the ice 'round my heart

Girl with your voice

Strawberry lips saying

Baby I want you

Raising my fever tonight

So why don't you

Just kiss me

Oo woo oh kiss me

This conversation is making me nervous

Please pay attention

Imagine we're lovers

And kiss me

You turn me on

Turn me off like a flashlight

Feel like a blindman

Who's taken the night flight

So kiss me

I am the mirror

Who holds your reflexion

You can't resist me

I am your infection

Strawberry lips call my name

So inviting

Can't think of anything else

More exciting

So kiss me

Oo woo oh kiss (strawberry lips)

Dressed to the teeth

In your soft skin and perfume

Only my heart cuts the silence

In your room

Strawberry lips are my favourite flavor

Drinking their color

Is all that I'm made for

So kiss me

Oo woo oh kiss me

Note the lack of vulgarity...? I sure wish the younger generation would hold onto some of this cheesy old stuff, instead of entering this revolting era where a man speaking to a woman in a derogatory manner is supposed to be a turn-on. Girls can dream, right? 


As for the older generation, you may think me 'worldly' for enjoying such a steamy song, but you should check out Song of Solomon in your very own Bible sometime - puts this Aussie band to shame! ;)

Happy Friday, fellow inhabitants of this planet - be a little cheesy to the one you adore today... deep down we all love it!

RockaBye

I'm feeling low today. I don't usually like to admit it - I'm one for the philosophy that if you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all. But I need to say it, for my own sanity. 

I like to try keep a smile on my dial and a friendly face for the people around me, but right now I really do want to be morose. I want complaint about how unkind life is to some people that I love. I want to be angry about their pain, and I also want to be angry about some of my own pain. I want to grieve about my shortcomings in life that at times never cease to haunt me. I need to be real today, and be sad about a beggar on the street and a dog dying. 

I'm usually confronted with immense guilt at such feelings, being prompted by some deep-set obligation within me to 'always be happy', otherwise I may seem ungrateful. But I was lying here a moment ago, and it occurred to me that Jesus Himself wasn't always pleasant. He got angry, and charged into the temple with whips and a temper. He got confrontational, and called a group of people a 'brood of vipers'. He was deeply pained at the death of His friend Lazarus, and He cried in anguish in the garden before his crucifixion. 

I find comfort in knowing that the most legendary Man who walked this planet was assaulted with the same emotions that I am. And so, for the first time in I don't know how long, I am going to guiltlessly admit that I am depressed. I have had a heavy heart hanging in my chest for a few weeks, and I find it remarkable that I keep hearing that old song by Shawn Mullins, "Everything is going to be all right".. Maybe that legendary Man is just trying to help me hold my head up with this lovely tune, I don't know.

RockaBye - Shawn Mullins

Tomorrow morning I will get up and put a smile on, and try to be brave. For now though, I hope it's all right that I am as I am.