Psalm
32v10: He that trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him…
At this point in my life, there are some things
that hurt. Some things that I can’t make happen by myself, and things that I
have no choice but to trust the Almighty with. And I do, I really do. I’m not
obsessing over these things, and I’m doing my utmost with the wonderful life
that I have before me right now.
But I can’t help it if sometimes life gets me down.
I’m feeling low this morning. I’m all too aware today of the things I can’t
control, things that I’m praying for breakthrough on, things that I know only
God Himself can do. My breakthrough isn’t here yet, and I keep hoping it will
be soon. I just keep hoping, trusting. Still, my heart is sad.
Why is it then that I have this mean little voice in the
back of my head telling me that I’m never going to succeed, because I’m not
trusting the Lord. Telling me that I should be displaying my trust in a show of
continual happiness and peace. If I were truly placing my trust in the Lord, I
would not be feeling this way, right?
I’m not happy right at this moment!
And there are things that I don’t have peace about
within my heart!
But I
DO trust my Father to care for me. You stupid little voice, how
dare you tell me how to feel!?
Man I am so tired of feeling bad for not fitting
the mould. I’m breaking free of this. I’m going to have bad days, world, so
just deal with it. Being God’s child doesn’t make me impermeable to pain, it
doesn’t make me a doormat to be walked over, and it doesn’t give me a happy
mask to wear every day.
Jesus wept.
Jesus challenged people over things that were worth
the argument.
Jesus pushed tables over, with a whip in his Hand,
in an outrage over something that He was righteously indignant over. How I’d
love to see His face, red with anger, eyes glittering with passion!
So if I’m not feeling 100% today, I know my Papa in
heaven doesn’t mind. He knows I’m human, and that I can’t see the bigger
picture, and He understands that it’s frustrating to wait around, blindfolded
about the future and hurting about the present.
He’s more Gracious than you, little voice, so take
your guilt trip somewhere else.
A lot has happened over the weeks since posting this piece, and I feel that I need to clarify on some things, lest I be misunderstood.
ReplyDeleteI certainly don't think for a moment that we need to lead defeated lives. Certainly not - I only want to challenge the misconception out there that "good Christians" should always have a smile on their faces, and if they don't, then it must be because they lack faith, or there's something wrong in their lives.
In this post, I only sought to give fellow Christians the freedom to be human - as Jesus was human. He cried for Lazarus... BUT then overcame His sorrow by bringing Lazarus to life. He angrily overturned tables in the temple, and then re-built God's temple by dying on the Cross and conquering death.
God undoubtedly wants us to rise to new heights, but I don't believe for a moment that He doesn't understand our despair when we're in the valley.
So, just to add a little bit of balance to the thoughts I mentioned above. :)