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Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Rant of the Day: Have a Nice Day. (Not)

Dear Small-Minded Bigot driving a Mercedes,

You picked the wrong person, on the wrong day, lady.

I was more than comfortable driving just less than 130km/h on the Krugersdorp highway this morning. And yes, I was in the fast lane, because that’s the speed most of us do in the fast lane. It’s faster than the limit, but just slow enough to stay out of trouble. But you came along, pig-headed and self-righteous and had a cadenza that I wasn’t driving in the “slow” lane.

Imagine that. I don’t want to drive in the slow lane, getting stuck behind those who prefer to travel at 90km/h, so that idiots like you can go… ooooh, what, 140km/h??

So you veered around me on the left and made a scene about it. Oh I hope you’re regretting that now.

I let you get ahead a little. For a short while, let you bask in how “right” you were to put me in my place. But it gave me pinch of pleasure when just touching the accelerator of my modest Toyota brought me more than up to speed with you. Funny how it is when the tables turn… what, you don’t want to drive 200km/h???! WELL I DO, SO GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!

No you wouldn’t do that, and I’m not one to overtake on the left. That would be pig-headed.

See, you don’t know me, lady. You don’t know that I didn’t get any sleep last night. You don’t know my heart’s aches, the frustrations I’m facing, the demons I fight every day. You don’t know that I’m listening to my heaviest metal today to try calm me down. You don’t know that I’m a psychopath with a handgun beneath my seat and I’m waiting for someone like you to push me… Just. Too. Far.
I’m not a psychopath, but you don’t know that.

It gave me a much bigger pinch of pleasure that my route to work allowed me to follow you for a good long while. That I could follow you closely, imitating your every manoeuvre, all the while staying just close enough to glare at you in your review mirror. I was glad to see that at the four-way stop, you left a massive gap in front of you and that you accelerated for all your million-rand car was worth to get some space between us. I hope you were afraid. Oh I do hope so.

More than anything, I hope you will think twice before you are such a bully to someone else on the road, someone you don’t know.
You probably won’t change, but one can hope.

Ok. I’m over it.




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